it’s funny, i’ve tried to put into words, tried to write a post, tried to even just gather my thoughts about being here in oregon at our new home. but i couldn’t. they didn’t come together, i felt this blank space that i couldn’t put into words. but the other night as jeremy and i sat together, in silence, just looking at the view, the stars, listening to the creek- my heart felt whole. i realized that it wasn’t blank space, it just wasn’t whole without jeremy, i was missing him. i am not complete without him. our home was not our home without him here.
we have spent the week together here and oh my it’s so amazing. our new home, this property, we are so in love. opening the windows, hearing the creek and the birds chirp. looking around and just seeing gorgeous trees. i love watching the kids explore and play and get dirty. i have loved watching in just a week or two, the kids have gone from needing shoes to walk across the gravel driveway to seeing them run bare foot without a second thought. they don’t just walk in the creek now, they’ve started exploring it, making up games, going a little further into the property and further up the creek each time. never did i think that a house rule would be- no crawdads inside! they have found our blackberry bushes scattered throughout the property and bring me full bowls daily. we have made blackberry jam, blackberry syrup, and have a freezer full of frozen blackberries already! they love playing outside, they love being dirty. it makes both my washing machine and heart full.
as i’ve watched out the kitchen window, usually as i’m washing dishes as there’s no dishwasher yet, my heart is so full it catches me, makes me emotional. i still can’t get over the natural beauty of this little home of ours. the untouched, raw beauty is amazing. it might be messy or a little unruly in places and it’s going to require work to figure it out but guess what? that’s what life is. when we truly give our lives over to god, when we step away from what we thought was important, what the world says is important, to try and follow him and learn what’s really important- it’s messy, it’s work, it’s beautiful and gods hand is clearly evident all around us.
i have always felt that when we can get our toes in the dirt, we can connect with god. this earth is his space, his gift to us, and he wants to talk with us, to teach each of us.
jeremy heads back to texas tomorrow and none of us are looking forward to dropping him off at the airport. but now, as he leaves, i am feeling peaceful, at home, and ready to start some of the projects that i can do to turn this little space into our home. i’m ready to jump in and prep our garden, paint our walls and figure out a pantry solution for our next costco run. 1400 square feet is no joke for a family of 6! but even more than that, i’m ready to study, to journal, to continue reading my book of mormon, to listen and just be present and pray to be led by god as we turn this house into our home.
